Outa Time...

No it's not Marty Mcfly today. No time to fart about today.
While I get on getting on, here's a lovely picture of a cat...

Jeeves, My Good Man?

Would you mind awfully licking my bollocks for me?

The Finger Of Jesus

I've just enearthed a mountain of Jesus sightings in various places, one of them was actually in a mountain, but this one stands head and shoulders above the rest....

...anyone tempted now to become a Kit-Katholic? (Prr-tshh!!!) Seems to be an interesting avenue that Nestle are going for here though. With Easter only a few weeks away, they should ditch selling all these chocolate eggs, and just go for making a chocolate Jesus. You could even use them at Communion.. "The body of Christ, now with a soft caramel centre!"
Oh it's easy to mock, I know, but Jesus c'mon! If you're gonna go around sticking your face in biscuits then at least go for something like a bloody Wagon Wheel!

Holes Holes Holes!!!!

This guy really loves big holes...



...so he should really like your momma!! (Prr-tshh!!!)

Granddad came round yesterday, unfortunately there was a bit of an incident with his piles.

Don't laugh, that'll be my arse one day.

Out Of A Forest

I've been boring my few friends with this short film for ages, and now it's time I did the same to you! I love this...



The music is "Slow Show" by The National.
Also something I love. Click HERE for another great song by them.

One To Watch...

"Immerse" yourself in a top new film, Submarine! It's Richard Ayoades directing debut, it's out on release now, and it looks like a belter...



Click HERE for a very good interview with him. (For those who are not sure who he is, he is a brilliant comedy actor from the brilliant I.T. Crowd, click HERE to start watching them on youtube)

Christ, Your Breath Stinks!

One might actually say you've got "holy-tosis" (You can actually buy these mints HERE!)

For Geeks Only... Happy (Belated) Pi Day!

Absolutley for the geeks, this! I have no idea why there should be bloody Pi Day, sounds completely ridiculous, even to a maths geek. To my mind, it sounds like it oughta be a day where everyone gets a piece of pie to tuck into, if you know what I mean. Anyway...
Here is an internet geek chick, doin' her maths thing, and showing the world her yummy pie. She's done a few interesting videos, believe it or not, and this is the best one!



I'm totally behind the sentiment of the clip, but it aint gonna happen, is it. Is it? Mathematicians of the world stand up and be counted! (Prr-tsshhh!!)

Wear Sunscreen

Found this song on one of my old compilation tapes, Baz Lurhmann's "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)", full of simple advice which is still as relevant and inspiring as when I first heard it...

Can't really think of a title for this one without making it sound corny, but just came across some guys musical tribute to his friends in Japan, and thought I'd share. Partly to cleanse the hate away from the previus youtuber, and partly because it's lovely...

Meet The Worst Person In The World...

Bar none. This is one of the most appalling clips I have seen in a long time. No jokes for this video, I just simply wanted to show how twisted some peoples little minds can get. One of our Gallery viewers is from Japan, so I apologise for bringing this evil persons opinion into view, but can't I help thinking that there won't ever be one single atheist who spouts or even thinks shit like this...



PS My eyes are open madam, and the evil I see is coming from you. God is love, ay? And all those that say otherwise will burn in hell?? Well kindly pass me my smoking jacket.

UPDATE: Turns out this horrible girl did this for a laugh, or an "art performance". What I can't figure out is whether or not this makes her even more of an evil cretin or not? Hmm, tricky one...



P.S. She says she's "fed up of pizza" because her address was posted by attackers on the internet, and people were getting hundreds of pizzas delivered to her to annoy her. Can't help wondering if something browner would have been more in order...

Trap A Twat...

Catch!!

This Just In: Russia News Update

This report now from our roving reporter on the scene, live, from Russia.
Keep your eyes though on the bloke in the background, he's a bit shit-faced!

Subway Slumber

Having to get the train home every day from work, I know exactly how these two feel...

Twat Of The Week

It's another "Spot The Twat" competition this week folks!

(Answer: It was the one in the silly shirt.)

Oo It's Me Favourite!!

I bet you a penny that you watch it twice!!

Meet A.C. Grayling...

The man is one of the great thinkers of our times. bit like myself, obviously.
Anyone who thinks philosophy is of a low value, please watch this and then tell me again...



Search more on this man and his teachings, and you not regret it.

Let's Paint And Excercise TV!!

Hello my name is Mark and I have an addiction.
There, I've said it. For those who know me well, (yes you Andy!), this won't come as a shock, but, well, oh heck I'm just gonna come out with it... I'm addicted to Let's Paint And Excercise TV.
It is, quite simply... amazing! Pulbic access television at its finest!
Who doesn't want to paint and excercise at the same size?!
This is the first video I started with, it's good to start with the light stuff...



Stick with this people, in the next part he starts taking phone calls from viewers, and not one of them is positive! He has a marvellous spirit, unflinched by the constant stream of abuse on the line!



Yes, you did see the King's acorn there!
And now, for the true junkies out there, the hard-core people, is the full-on shit!
There are lots of these videos to enjoy, with increasingly more complicated activities to keep him occupied. I honestly don't know which to show! There's blending drinks, there's a band on one called Anal Holocaust, there's bloody ping-pong barbeques!! Let's try this one, which I like to call "Something For The Dads"...

Obligatory Picture Of A Cat

No website would be complete without one. But I do quite like this cool cat.

Spooooooons

Here's a bloody marvellous trick to play on your friends. I honestly can't stop watching this clip!



In my dreams I see Uri Gellar getting hit like this every day for all of eternity.

What Time Is It?

Oh I fear it's time for this...



And relax. All done.
Don't worry, it'll be a long time before you have to do that again.

My Face

This isn't about Myspace or Facebook, (both seem ridiculous to me), this is about getting a mask made from your own, or someone elses, lovely face. Quite why anyone would want to, I cannot fathom. Maybe if you fancied a life of crime, you could do so under the guise of, say, Winona Ryder. Or maybe you could persue a very dull and unemotional acting career as say, Matt Damon.



I've just been perusing their website, and there are several dubious alterations that are available.. from changing your percieved sex, or indeed race. You can turn yourself into an action hero, you can even turn your shrunken head into a lovely pendant for the wife's necklace. Click HERE to visit their crazy website! Having said all that, you can buy a paper origami version of yourself for a mere $9.99. I'm tempted! I could get one done with a fake smile on it, for work...

Meet Napkin-Man...

Bit of inane internet video clip nonsense now, for a change! Quite simply a very drunk guy at Denny's restaurant, only he's so drunk he doesn't realise he's eating a napkin!



Mmm, waitress? Yeah, this pancake tastes a little dry....

Oh To Be Single!

Today is my wedding anniversary, (just managed to remember!), and judging by these dating videos, I'm bloody glad I don't have to go out a-courting anymore. In these modern times of internet dating, it aint easy getting that video clip to perfectly sum up your personality...





Wanna do that one again Stephen?
I wouldn't bother mate, get back in the dumpter looking for more playboy magazines.

Twat Of The Week

Our intrepid twat is just about to skin a squirrel. And borrow the fur to finish off his moustashe.

Derren Brown On Cold Reading

A conjuror and a biologist thrashing it out! Two of my favourite people now laying into the evil, yes evil, practice of clairvoyancy...



Follow their progress on youtube for the rest of their marvellous conversation.

Shopping Again

Need need need need need need need need need need need.....



Thank christ I've got kids so I can blame them for me buying these!!

Milligan And The Muppets

I love Spike Milligan, but for me Fozzy Bear steals the show...