27 Nov 2010

Sleigh Bells A-Jingling!

The festive season is officially upon us once again!
It's not me saying that, but Mr Santa Claus himself! He certainly looks full of "christams spirit" in this CCTV carpark footage. So much so in fact that he feels compelled to share his flash of glee with two lucky passer-bys. Almost all over their shoes!

Ho ho ho!!! (Put your arse away Santa, you're scaring the kids)

25 Nov 2010

Thanks For Joining us!

I'm in the wrong job. I want to be a Graphics Director on Public Access Television, just like Art Hansen. And I want it to be 1977. Now.

The Rise Of The Idiots

Are you cool? Are you? Check out these three clips to see.
Question 1: Are you a Nathan Barley? Do you keep it foolish?

Question 2: Are you in a band? Are you a bedroom philosopher?

Question 3: Look in the mirror. Are you a dickhead?

If the answer to all three questions is yes, then please please kill yourself.
Stick a tube up your own rectum and chow down on brown till you drown.

Waiter There's Something In My Soup

Went out for a spot to eat last night. To be honest the leek soup disagreed with me a bit and I had to have my shirt washed in the kitchen. Still, the waiters were quite nice about it really.

Think it's best if I don't go back for a while though. Odd night, all in all.


When you see a good clip, you just "know".

Click here to see the The Ultimate Slayer Fan
(By the way, whilst looking for a picture of a fat goth I came across a website called Anus.com.
Please please don't click on it. It's not nice)

22 Nov 2010

Magic And Rock? Yes Please!!

You'll like this, but not a lot.

Nice tits.
You know the best illusion he pulled off? Only persuading everyone he had a full head of hair. Don't know how he did that one. It's all done using mirrors apparantly. Although judging by his outfit he hasn't been near a mirror in quite a while. Fat git.
P.S. I've just checked his Myspace page to find out his name.. Devlin Magic!!
His favorite band is Def Leppard, and as for his status? Yes, he's single.

There's A Star-Man Waiting...

Anyone who's ever enjoyed a bit of sci-fi won't do much better than to try my friends new blog...

Click here for Set Phasers To Fun
It's out of this world! (Yes we've established I do naff jokes, now get over it!)

21 Nov 2010

Don't Watch

There's something quite fine about this short clip...

Apparantly this what my missus says I sound like when I talk to the kids. Don't talk rubbish.

19 Nov 2010

Is Ammonia Flammable?

Old? Had a stroke? Shitting in a bucket in the kitchen because you can't get up the stairs?
Maybe it's time for a little one-way holiday to Switzerland?
Sod that Granddad, get down the pub, and do it in style like this guy!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you... The Great Omani!!

Bit mean of his carer to handcuff him as well though. No respect some people...

Finger-Ducking Good

X-Factor? Shove it up your arse.
That's certainly what this "plucky" chap did, back in good ol' 1925. Take it away Gus Visser..

What a motherducker! (Nearly works) Thought maybe if he had a slightly younger duckling on each finger, he could've had a full scale and played quite a merry little tune! Perhaps "Don't Duck Back In Anger"? Sorry. Awful jokes, I know, but get used to it!

Bit Of A Splinter There, Mate

Either this unlucky chap has sat on a park bench slightly too quick, or he's passing the mother of all logs! Anyone think of some more gags for this soft twat?

I'd add "wahay you've got wood", but that's the sorriest little knob I've ever seen. Poor fellah.
In fact I'd recommend they leave the log there and just whittle the tip into some sort of helmet.

A Quickie On The Stairs

We're stepping into my dreams now, a recurring dream about steps.
I shit you not, I do this every night!
What? Everyone does don't they?
Please reassure me that you all dream you can slide down the stairs in your shoes?
I almost soiled myself when I seen someone actually do it!!

Oh forget it people. Honestly.

18 Nov 2010

Markets of Britain

Most of you are too young to remember the days before mum went to Iceland and bought the families individual quiches for the week. Well, here's how it got done back in the day. Really.

Big thanks to Serafinowicz and Popper for the clip. Very nostaglic. "Keep walking..."

Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Dirty Secrets

Who's waiting to see an old guy with his wand out, getting finished off in an epic climax?
Just about every child in the country, that's who!!

Click here for: Harry Potter And The Gobble Of The Pheonix

Remember though, most people vomit the first time.

16 Nov 2010

This is how we rollin'...

Athough to be fair the boys in blue do a sterling job under quite difficult cicumstances.

DJ Format

There seems to be one or two individuals who think this cat is "not hip to the groove", or "down wid the hommies". Well let me tell you siree bob that I got more more street than milton keynes. Oh yes, and they've got a lot of streets. So... quit yo jibber jabber and get down to the beat, ya bunch of mo-fo's.

Kick it.

15 Nov 2010

Inception Cat

It's time to turn up the silly dial a notch or two. Get ready to have the bejesus scared out of you!

This is now in my dreams. Oh the irony...

14 Nov 2010

Dirty Monkey Business

Most people have already seen this, but this site wouldn't be complete without it. So, crack open the Asti and turn on the Barry White 'cos its time for a bit of monkey lovin'!!

Go on my son, give Kermit one for me!!

Pilkington At His Finest...

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, hermaphrodites and eunuchs... come and wonder at the amazing freak of the western world that is... The Man With A Head Like A F**king Orange.

13 Nov 2010

Carrot Porn

There's nothing I enjoy more on a sunday afrnoon than popping on a Nigella Lawson DVD and peeling away at my bulbs, and then getting the gravy ready. You should see my wife's face when I'm finished...

I have one burning question...
Is this still going to make me blind?

12 Nov 2010

Big Ghoulies!

Who likes having the willies put up them?
We all do, right?? Right well check out this twisted site...
Just try not to get ectoplasm all over your screen.

11 Nov 2010

Educational and Informative

Always good to share knowledge.

Learn from others mistakes...

The Wheels On The Bus Go...

Thunk. What an absolute bell-end...


One day I'll write somehing of value...

Maybe tomorrow...

Fucking Tony Hadley

This is pure class... please try not to wet yourself.

Visit the man's site here and enjoy more... http://www.touretteskaraoke.com/

The Ballad Of Vincent

Pray silence please, for The Master Of The Ceremonies, the one and only... Vincent!! God Bless Fox News and God Bless America for celebrating the mentally different.
PS apparently they let this chap make a whole movie. If anyone can provide a link, then this is the place to do so!

Go on my son!!