Oh sweet baby jesus, guess what I've just found. Only a sweet baby jesus.
A sweet baby jesus... butt plug. I shit you not.
And you would indeed not shit with this little holy thing shoved up your... thingy hole.
I urge everyone to pop along to this lovely website, Divine Interventions, where all your "persuations" are catered for, from the "jackhammer jesus" (remember: feet first on this one), to the Moses tickler (watch him part the pink sea!). Just watch out for burning bushes on that last one.
There's even a death-shaped dildo! Think this will be the one to finish you off!
Oh I love the internet!!