Dear Santa... I've Been A Good Boy!

I'm writing my list for Christmas, and these are a definite need...
First off I want a new rug that looks like a stamp. Who doesn't?
It's a must for every rug-licker in town! To be honest I just want it so I can watch my cat drag it's arse across Her Madge's face and bring a smile to my mine! (But not hers, sadly)
Buy it from the site here (if you have a spare grand or two)

Right, next on my list? Why, only a new shiny knob of course! This will brighten up any glory-hole activities this, it's a door-knob that shows exactly what is going on inside the room...



Have a good ol' perv of your nan on the bog, or simply keep an eye on the wife with this smashing new invention! Check it out here.

What else is on my Santa-list? Well, a sausage sandwich for breakfast off Nigella Lawson would certainly kick my Christmas morning off to a good start. Failing that, I'll settle for a simple gulp.

This is the nerdiest thing I have ever seen. And this comes from someone who owns a periodic table tea-towel. Click here for a "klein bottle" bottle opener. For the "normal" viewers... a Klein bottle is a non-orientable one-sided mathematical manifold, (two mobius strips joined together) a shape with its outside also on the inside. It contains itself. Look, I like maths shit, so go fuck yourself okay?! (Just like a Klein bottle in fact)