Bit Of A Splinter There, Mate

Either this unlucky chap has sat on a park bench slightly too quick, or he's passing the mother of all logs! Anyone think of some more gags for this soft twat?

I'd add "wahay you've got wood", but that's the sorriest little knob I've ever seen. Poor fellah.
In fact I'd recommend they leave the log there and just whittle the tip into some sort of helmet.